BCM - How did your life change when you became a mom?

Phyllis:  The joy my kids bring is incomparable (even if you were the happy honeymooner like me) and they bring that kind of pure joy and laughter many times every day!  And of course, my sleeping has been greatly affected, but there is no shame in taking naps if needed – you’ll be a better mom if you need it!

BCM- What has been your most memorable moment (s) as a mom?

Phyllis:  Watching my two sons chase each other in circles and then fall down laughing is a treasured moment every day.  It’s that pure innocence and real deep laughter.   Also, the fact that my new toddler Ryder can run around with a spoon and be happy for hours is not just a joy to watch but a lesson to us all who overindulge in toys for our first kids!  And of course I have to mention my older son’s innate sense of wit – one day we were strolling around the mall and he just started acting like a statue next to all the mannequins making us all laugh.   That’s when it really hit me that he was truly his own unique person and from that moment on I realized daily what other things he had been doing or new things that made him Sidney – and I truly appreciate my kids’ individuality.

BCM- What has been the biggest challenge for you in motherhood?

Phyllis: In regards to my two boys, my biggest challenge was learning that disciplining your kids actually means you love them.   Parenting is tough at times since you obviously can’t always be the nurturer or tickling buddy – you need to set boundaries so you raise responsible, respectable children.  Disciplining comes natural to some moms but I think others of us have to work at it even if you feel like a repetitive annoyance for a short phase until you child “gets it.”    I think it comes more comfortable over time and with the second child, but at first it can be a big tug at your heart since innately we all just want positive, happy energy.   I learned that just being firm and clear can go a long way.

BCM - What inspired you to start R Baby?

Phyllis:   My husband Andrew and I lost our daughter, Rebecca Ava, in between Sidney and Ryder when she was only 9 days old.  She was misdiagnosed as the ER physician told us we were neurotic and it was just a common cold, but we later learned she had a common infection that is life-threatening in babies since they have such a lower immune system than older children.  We quickly learned that 30,000 babies die each year and many ERs are not equipped or prepared to diagnose sick babies and treat them.  

Losing our daughter was and is completely devastating and heart-breaking; burying our daughter was traumatic and unexplainable pain.  Andrew and I both wanted to make sure no other family experiences losing a baby when it is preventable.  Rebecca’s death was the inspiration to start R Baby as we believed that her life can help to save many babies’ lives.

BCM - Tell us more about R Baby? How can Big City Moms help?

R Baby Foundation’s goal is to save as many babies’ lives as possible through improving pediatric emergency care in the U.S. R Baby funds life-saving grants that are directed toward a range of programs, including emergency pediatric training, guidelines and protocols, scientific research, equipment and treatments, rapid laboratory tests, and parent education.   We partner with many of the top children’s hospitals in the country to create programs that will benefit community hospitals around the nation.

In addition, R Baby  is providing support to grass roots efforts to establish fully equipped, fully staffed pediatric emergency rooms, in line with its initiative to work with elected

officials to mandate the highest standards of care in ALL children’s and community hospitals in the U.S. We are committed to ensuring the highest standards of care for our tiniest, most-innocent citizens.

R Baby has focused on New York first and we are committed to making sure that no other NY parent experiences the horror of losing a child. And short of that, that parents know what to expect when they get into an emergency medical situation with a baby or small child.  I am one of you, your peer, someone who never thought a misdiagnosis this big and fatal would ever happen to my family.   I am reaching out to other young parents to help make a difference for all our future families.

BCM - How do you manage your career while being a mother and a wife? Any advice for moms?

Phyllis:  

I have found what works well for me.  I have tried it all.   I worked in corporate America 5 days a week, 3 days a week, consulted from home and now I am co-running this foundation out of my home but obviously it requires meetings outside of the house.  I love it since a) I am extremely passionate about what I do b) I am satisfied from an intellectual and independence standpoint c) I love having a flexible schedule since it allows me to not only be with my kids, but it makes them flexible too as everyday is a new challenge for me and a slightly different schedule for them.  Yes, they say that schedules are great for kids and believe me, mine have a certain schedule they depend on, but they now understand that mommy has to come and go for work and they seem very well adjusted and independent because of it.

My advice is to find what works well for you since each of us are different – we all have different needs and wants and its so important to be happy as an individual first…..so, I think we each need to figure out not only what works well for you but what will make you happy and fulfilled.  I feel I am a much better wife and mother because of the time I volunteer for R Baby.   My advice is holistic in the sense that whether it is a hobby, a full time job, a part time job, cooking, volunteering, decorating or whatever it is that truly makes you satisfied as an individual is what you should go for since you never want to feel like you lost your identity completely in your kids.  Obviously, our families are our #1 priority, but holding on to your passions, your interests and what ever makes you  “you” is key to managing the life that you want.

 
BCM - What types of activities do you like to do w/ your kids?   

Phyllis:  I love being active with my boys – from playing all sorts of sports to hide and seek in the house.  My older son loves amusement parks as he is the daredevil and my toddler just honestly likes being with his big brother – so as much as I can have them spending time together I try – even if that means running home from a playdate to make sure they eat dinner together.   I also love exposing my children to new things  - I recently taught Sidney how to play chess.   You got to have patience, but its so great to see them embrace new activities that might not be their normal routine.

BCM- If you could give another mom or expectant mom one piece of advice, what would it be?

Phyllis: I have one word of advice – PERSPECTIVE.  Not a day goes by that I am not grateful and keep in perspective the health and happiness of my family as my top priority.  (Definitely be an advocate for your children’s health is a separate piece of advice– I’m not saying that to scare anyone, but just to remind everyone that the health care system in our country is not perfect…even the medical community would agree.  So, just make sure you stick to your gut and ask all your questions to your pediatrician and know where you closest Pediatric ER is.)    But, back to my biggest piece of advice is to be appreciative and realize how lucky each of us are to just be here and have our families, so – just take pleasure in the little things in life and enjoy yourself WITH your kids everyday!  And try not to get caught up in anything superficial or meaningless  - keep perspective about what is truly important to you vs. silly things, they are not worth your energy since your kids need so much of it :)