BCM - How did your life change when you became a mom?
Marisa: How did my life NOT change when I became a mom? Your orientation in
the world is suddenly and permanently shifted from being largely
about yourself, to being centered foremost around your child. My
husband now wasn't just my husband, he was the father of our child,
and as many couples find, that quickly became the dominant focus of
our shared world. And of course, as a woman continuing her career,
for me one of the biggest life changes upon becoming a mother was
trying to figure out how to embrace and satisfy both motherhood and
that career.
BCM- What has been your most memorable moment (s) as a mom?
Marisa: This sounds like a cop-out but it's sincere. For me the joy of
motherhood is all of the little wonderful moments that string
together like a set of pearls. The milestones, surely, like first
days of school, but also the seemingly ordinary moments where my
girls light up upon discovering something, achieve something new...
or just laugh. Actually, I think one of my most favorite moments of
the past couple of years may have been when my older daughter Hannah
and I were lying on her bedroom rug, playing with her still-quite-new
sister, Avery. Hannah and I did something rather unremarkable-- ball
up a piece of paper-- but for whatever reason the sound and motion of
it elicited baby Avery's first real belly laugh. Sharing that moment
of having my older daughter seize upon the reaction and continuing to
theatrically crunch that paper to make her little sister laugh, while
watching my younger daughter respond with such delight... that to me
is an iconic moment of the pure pleasure of motherhood.
BCM- What has been the biggest challenge for you in motherhood?
Marisa: I think the biggest challenge is that we've been so acculturated to
artificial images of "perfect" mothers that it's hard not to feel
inadequate when you don't spill with energy and zeal and creativity
in every moment of parenthood. And really, NONE of us do! As a
working mother, I often feel a particular urgency to make sure any
time I am with my kids counts... and on balance, I think most of the
time I do make it count. But the reality is there are times where
I'm just not supremely patient with a whining toddler or a 3rd grader
who once again can't seem to find the hamper.
At a past Executive Moms event, former CBS "Early Show" anchor Rene
Syler was our emcee, just as her book was released called "The Good
Enough Mother." I think that title was and is very resonant for many
of us.
The other biggest challenge related to the above is finding any
leftover time for connecting with other women, your spouse, and
yourself. Part of the reason Executive Moms was created was to at
least help very busy women have an express route to the first of
these.
BCM - What inspired you to start your own business - Executive Moms ?
Marisa: Executive Moms was entirely inspired out of a personal need... which
turned out to be a much more pervasive one than I had imagined.
After the birth of my first daughter Hannah, who came into the world
on an unusually cold December that left me adjusting to a newborn
while climbing the walls of my apartment, I went to a "Mommy and Me"
luncheon with a great sense of anticipation for meeting new mommy and
baby friends. It was a surprise for me to find there, even here in
the middle of NYC, this bastion of working life, that a great
majority of the moms were not planning on continuing their work.
Now-- and I want to be really clear about this-- I never felt any
sense of judgement about women who were able to choose a life that
didn't entail work outside of the home (in fact I could not be more
opposed to the whole "us vs. them" Mommy Mentality). However, what I
did feel was a New Mommy fear that I would not find other women like
myself who were grappling with the same challenges that I had (or
that I and my child would have no new friends because we could not
make a playdate on Tuesdays at 2:00)!
Thus, out of that simple need-- and the ensuing insight that there
are a vast number of women who are committed to both career and
family but would benefit from connection with other women like them,
along with helpful resources and ideas -- Executive Moms was born.
Ironically, in the process, I wound up giving myself a 2nd career, as
since I began Executive Moms in 2002, I've maintained a full-time
corporate career throughout. Executive Moms is somehow my "night" or
"cracks of my day" job, so feel free to question the sanity. Though
overall it has been immeasurably worth it.
BCM - How do you manage your career and Executive Moms while being a
mother and a wife? Any advice for moms?
Marisa: I really believe that every mom creates her own intricate dance (or
juggle, if you prefer) that requires daily mental calculus of
prioritizing and choosing. One of the concepts I actually detest
most is the idea of "balance," as it implies some kind of Nirvana
state of equilibrium to which we're all supposed to strive; since it
doesn't exist, reaching for it is an exercise in futility and
frustration. I think it's much more important for moms-- working
moms and all moms-- to strive for making the best choices and
compromises THEY uniquely can, to keep life moving in the best
forward motion as possible. And whenever the pesty "G" monster does
rear his head (you know, Guilt), I try (and in fairness I should
emphasize try) to look at my kids, who are generally pretty terrific
and well-adjusted and think they are the best litmus test for how
well we are doing at this.
The other most important piece of advice I'd give that Executive Moms
continues to teach me, is that there are in fact a lot of really
fabulous, confident, grounded, generally satisfied women/moms out
there, and the value of surrounding yourself with such women whom we
can feel are both like us and inspire us, (in the virtual or real
world), is all most of us need to banish any sense of isolation and
feel that much more equipped to thrive.
BCM - What types of activities do you like to do w/ your kids?
Marisa: Our weekends are very oriented around our kids. With a 3rd grader,
often our schedule revolves around her soccer games, playdates with
friends... but we are very intent on planning our weekends around
family activities-- whether that's visiting friends and relatives,
taking field trips to places like the NY Hall of Science, going to
the theater or just playing in the playground-- we do as much as we
can together. (Unfortunately for our kids, that includes trips to
Fairway, Target and Costco).
BCM- What are your favorite Mom Essentials and why?
Marisa: I'll name a few:
- Our Nanny!
- My Blackberry. Frighteningly so.
- A calendar with the kids' activities especially now that their schedules are more complex.
- A big tote bag that is my combo handbag and catch-all for everything
the kids need when we are out and about.
- Crayons and paper-- we never go to a restaurant with the kids without.
- An inexpensive umbrella stroller which both our babysitter and we now far prefer to our much fancier ones-- it's so lightweight and easy we can jump in and out of all forms of NY transportation with our toddler.
- Dimmer switches on the lamps in their rooms
- Spray foam soap so that getting clean in the bath isn't a chore
- Personal essentials: I'll plug my day job yet also answer honestly: my La Mer cleanser, Clinique Continuous Rescue moisturizer, Estee Lauder-Tom Ford Sunbronzer, Bobbi Brown Longwear Gel eyeliner and MAC lipcolor to make me look far better than my lack of sleep should enable.
BCM- If you could give another mom or expectant mom one piece of advice, what would it be?
Marisa: I'll reinforce the sentiments above: trust your instincts and remind yourself that you are probably a "More than Good Enough" Mother. Be supportive of all mothers, regardless of how closely their world mirrors yours (motherhood is hard enough without worrying about being judged by each other)! And lastly, for the moms among you who are also pursuing careers, consider joining Executive Moms and particularly the new social network we've just created on ExecutiveMoms.com. It is an easy and meaningful way to create those essential yet often elusive connections.
BCM - Which BCM event was your favorite?
Marisa: The working moms dinner for which I was a part of the panel!
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