BCM - How did your life change when you became a mom?
Samantha - How did it NOT change, is more like it! I had always been a spontaneous, adventurous person. Having kids grounded me—in a positive way, but there was also a negative side. Sometimes I felt a little stuck. All of a sudden, my ability to “get up and go” was stymied by the moods and schedules of my baby.

BCM - What has been your most memorable moment (s) as a mom?
Samantha -There are so many memorable moments with four kids. One of my favorites is when my fourth child was born and I was in the hospital in San Francisco. My other 3 kids AND my 6 nieces and nephews all came to see the new baby. They were all sitting on the hospital bed with me. I looked around and thought, “Wow. We have a big family.” It was a great feeling and a wonderful memory.

BCM - What has been the biggest challenge for you in motherhood?
Samantha -Learning to be patient and present in the moment. I like things to be done yesterday. With kids, things take time. I have to remind myself to relax and take a breath—the task at hand WILL get done.

BCM - Any advice for new moms?
Samantha -Before I had my first child, I had some idealistic vision of how wonderful and magical being a mother would be-- the cute baby clothes, the yummy smell of a baby’s head, the sweet nursery. What I got was a colicky little guy who didn’t sleep for 8 months—and a big case of post-partum depression to go along with it. I wish someone had told me how hard it was going to be. Advice: give yourself 9 months to recover from childbirth—physically, emotionally and mentally. We moms put so much pressure on ourselves to get back to “normal” so quickly after having a baby. It’s not realistic.

BCM - Congrats on the success of your new book Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & Modern Motherhood. What was the inspiration behind writing the book?
Samantha -The inspiration was a moment 10 years ago that I refer to as the “Box of Cheerios Incident”—I was working long hours at Silicon Valley SW company, with a two-year-old at home and another baby on the way. My husband traveled quite a bit for his job, and my family lived across the country, so I felt very alone and unsupported as a mother. I came home one night at 8 p.m. after a 12-hour day to find my husband and two-year-old at the kitchen table, asking me what we were having for dinner. It was at that moment that my “inner Superwoman”—who thought she could DO IT ALL—snapped. I grabbed a box of Cheerios, slammed it on the table, and told them to make their own dinner.
It was at this moment that I realized that I couldn’t DO IT ALL. I was raised in the 70s and 80s—post Gloria Steinem—and women of my generation were told that we COULD DO IT ALL—pursue a career, get married, have kids, give back to the community by volunteering, and more. What our feminist foremothers didn’t tell us was that DOING IT ALL was a recipe for a nervous breakdown!


BCM - Can you share some lessons that you learned?
Samantha -I have learned so many lessons over the course of my 13 years as a mom. Here are a few of the biggies:

1. If you want to stay sane as a mother, choose "good enough" over "perfect." All the pressure that women today put on themselves today to be the perfect mother, the perfect worker, and the perfect wife (with the perfect physique!), takes the joy out of motherhood and saps us of energy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just give ourselves—and others—a break? When something needs to be done, ask yourself: is it important that the job is just done, or done perfectly? 9 out of 10 times, the answer will be "just done."

2. There IS no perfect balance when it comes to motherhood, career & marriage. It's up to you to prioritize, make adjustments and decide what you are and are not prepared to do. Don't tell yourself "I should be able to," or "She/he can do it, so I ought to be able to." Most importantly, don't listen to anyone else telling you what you should or should not be able to do! Pay attention to your own needs and well-being. If you feel you're out of balance day in, day out, then you are! It's time to look at what's going on and reevaluate. Be willing to re-negotiate your work duties, as well as your parenting duties. They WILL change over time.

3. Just. Slow. Down. A friend of mine told me that when her kids were little, she would repeat to herself the mantra: "the days are long, but the years are short." Sometimes, it feels like you are tending to so many important tasks at the very same moment-- if you can make that important phone call while driving your kids to school, it may seem that you are using your time well. Yes, you may be getting that call out of the way, but if you are talking on the phone, and driving, and your kids are in the car, nothing that you are doing is getting 100% of your attention. You are cheating the person on the phone, you are cheating your kids, and you are not paying attention to the road ahead of you.


BCM - How do you manage your work/life balance?
Samantha - I ask for and get help. One thing I’ve learned as a mother is that it doesn’t benefit anyone—you, your kids, your husband or your marriage-- to be a martyr. We are fortunate to live in a great community where parents help other parents out. And I have a great babysitter who is like part of our family and without whom I would be doomed. I’ve also learned to say NO firmly and often.

BCM - What types of activities do you like to do with your kids?
Samantha -We live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so the weather is always beautiful for hiking , biking and walking. One of my favorite things to do is walk along the water in our hometown of Tiburon, with my kids biking next to me. We go slowly and have a nice conversation and take in the beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay. It’s magical. We are also big card players. Bridge is a favorite in our household.

BCM- What has been your favorite Big City Moms event to date?
Samantha -The TORN launch party on June 14!
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FUN FACTS:
I’m totally obsessed with….

Samantha -The Bachelor/ette!!

My biggest influence is…

Samantha - My mother. Watching her raise 4 kids and pursue a career as a musician taught me that I could juggle motherhood and work, and that while it wasn’t always easy, it could be done.

My favorite drugstore buy is….

Samantha - Sally Hansen sheer lip gloss. Really moisturing.

Products I can’t live without..

Samantha - Moroccan Oil for my hair.

My guilty pleasure is...

Samantha - Reeses peanut butter cups (I keep them in the freezer. Yum!).

Favorite NYC restaurant….

Samantha - Gramercy Tavern.