I was listening to a marriage podcast the other day, when a woman called in with a question.
“My husband and I are thinking about starting a family soon, but I’m worried about how it will affect romance. Will having a baby totally kill our sex life?”
To my surprise, the podcast host responded with a resounding, “YES! Well, at least for the first few years.”
I couldn’t disagree more.
My husband Dan and I have two kids (ages six and three) and, while we’ve never been more exhausted in our lives, our sex life is incredible at this stage. And here’s why.
We schedule it.
That’s right – my husband and I look at our calendar each week and determine which nights we will have sex, and then we do it. It’s that simple.
Now, I know what you are probably thinking. “Scheduling sex? But that takes all the spontaneity out of it! If sex isn’t spontaneous, it can’t possibly be romantic or fulfilling.”
I hate to break it to you, but you are wrong, wrong, wrong. Scheduling sex is exciting, fulfilling, and (yes) totally hot. Here are 5 reasons why:
1. It ensures that sex will actually happen. Okay, so this one is kind of a duh, but you know how it goes. Spontaneous sex is so romantic in theory, but when you’re raising small humans, a lot of the time it just isn’t realistic; you wake up, chug your coffee, scramble to get everyone up and ready and out the door, go to work, come home, cook dinner, rush through bath time, read all the stories, get your kids in bed… and then you crash on the couch and start mindlessly scrolling Facebook on your phone or catching up on emails, and before you know it you’ve passed out, way too tired to even think about sex. Putting sex on the calendar not only prioritizes it about everything else, but it also reminds you to save your energy throughout the day so that you are ready for it. Which brings me to…
2. It gives you something to look forward to. Nothing gets me through hours of meetings and daunting deadlines like knowing I’m going to get some at the end of the day. Can I get a witness?
3. It increases intimacy. On days my husband and I schedule sex, we always text back and forth throughout the day, letting each other know how much we love each other and how excited we are to be together. That means that, when it’s finally time to do the deed, we already feel so close to each other that the sex turns out to be pretty hot (even more so than our spontaneous sessions, if I may be so bold).
4. It encourages creativity. When you have all day to think about your upcoming romp, you have the time you might not normally have to plan out what you want to do with each other. Maybe you want to pick up some new lingerie on the way home. Maybe you want to play a sexy version of a normal board game.
5. It’s sex. Sex is awesome. And scheduled sex is still sex, which is still awesome. (Revolutionary, I know.)
So, the next time you find yourself sitting down in front of your day planner or Google calendar to start organizing your week, take a few extra minutes to lock in some sexytime dates. Trust me, you won’t regret it.