You with the sad eyes…that’s me.
My kids have had the Trolls movie album on repeat this week. Currently the notes are drifting from their upstairs rooms as they clean while “True Colors” is playing. I’ve always thought the song is beautiful, but this week it is only adding to my pregnancy funk. Perhaps it isn’t even the insightful words, but the melancholy melody that’s doing me in. Sometimes I’m a sponge like that.
There has to be some hormones readjusting– yet again– in this third trimester. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and physically my stomach feels like it is back in the first trimester with nausea and food aversions. My one cup of morning coffee that helps me get through the day with four kids? I suddenly can barely tolerate the thought of. One day nausea crept up on me on the way to grocery shopping in which I had to stop right then to get food and keep it at bay to finish our errand. Then there is the mood issue.
Maybe too it is the gloomy weather playing into my gray mood. The clouds have covered the sun every single day this week, sometimes with dreary rain beating at my windows much like the tears I wish I could let fall in hopes that it would make me feel better. Even when I had fantastic news this week, I had a sunken heart and tears sitting at the brims of my eyes the rest of the day. Instead of feeling pure joy and thankfulness, it was overshadowed with that womanly feeling of, “Why in the world am I crying? Nothing is wrong!” Oh, the pregnancy hormones. You really skew reality sometimes.
When my mood gets in this funk I lack motivation to do much of anything, like do a craft with the kids, cook a good healthy meal, do the dishes– even simply shower. Each day this week I skipped my 5:30am alarm where I take a shower in privacy (such sacred moments!) before the morning school rush. Sacrificing those 30 extra minutes of sleep usually helps make my day be more productive. I spend less time drinking coffee while browsing Facebook, trying to pep talk myself into getting out of my chair, and more time with my kids at home or on typical house wife duties. Which, all leads to a happier momma!
This week I was a bum. A straight up bum. I didn’t have motivation to do the dishes (a sink full is still grossly sitting there) let alone get a shower until after lunch right before elementary school pick up. One day I didn’t even shower at all, which is completely unheard of for my greasy self! Then, I not only feel physically gross, but overwhelmed at my lack of productivity, or the “I’m a horrible mom, letting my kids watch TV all day” guilt. It’s a vicious cycle. The perfect storm of tiredness, guilt, cloudy weather, and emotions have led to the pregnancy funk.
In my past postpartum depression days this funk was normal for me, however I don’t remember feeling like this during pregnancy unless my situation (typically an unplanned teenage pregnancy) truly needed some grieving and processing. I think it is time to pull out what has worked in the past hormonal adjustment phases surrounding my babies. The lack of sun and winter weather could mean I need more vitamin D, for starters. Getting enough sleep, perhaps with the help of magnesium and essential oils would be helpful to keep the pregnancy rage low (just please stay away heartburn, okay?). And, especially, getting back to doing the things I love to fill my soul up with goodness. The isolation that I’ve put myself in this week not feeling like going anywhere (especially since I hadn’t showered!) is taking its toll as well and I needed to break out of that. Over the years I’ve learned the funk can be typically undone with some self-care.
As I head into week 31 I’m choosing to undo the slippery slope the simple act of not getting up a tad earlier to shower seems to do for me. A showering in a timely manner seems like the most basic thing a mom can do, but man, what a difference it makes to feel more put together to start off the day! I’ve got my Thursday night marked off for a Christmas cookie gathering (friends and smiles are needed, but you had me at cookies). Plus, with some visitors coming this week, such as my midwife for a prenatal visit, I have no choice but to be motivated to shower for the day and tackle those dishes.
I’m also refusing to listen to “True Colors” this week. Only the happy jams like “Get Back Up Again” will do, kids.